Monday, February 27, 2006

Before I die.......

There is a MEME going around that has as its first question:
7 Things to do before I die:

I decided not to do the MEME because I don't like to tag people, but somehow this question jolted me nonetheless. I am not a long-range goal-setter in any respect. I set personal goals each day that I rarely meet. This often makes me feel bad about myself. I try to be more realistic, but so far it hasn't happened. Maybe when I finally grow up.......???

But this question got to me. And I had two dreams that repeated one night. Usually the meaning of dreams isn't something that I even bother thinking about, but this time I KNEW that the question had triggered the dreams.

You see, when I set these various goals for a day, I find I am trying to cram several activities into the last two hours of each day. (I don't do well with mornings; I am busy for a number of hours in the middle of most days; after I cook supper, not much of the day is left.)

So what about my life? What do I want to cram into the last years of my life? There may be many years yet, or maybe just a few years or even a few days. I have physical limitations that will only get worse with age. There are many things I will never be able to do again. Just what is important to me?

The dreams had something to do with being at a retreat and needing to get ready to leave. I was trying to pack my suitcase. I was pushing and prodding and shoving all sorts of miscellaneous stuff into that bag. It was resisting the addition of more junk and clutter. It looked ready to pop.

As soon as I woke up I thought that the bag represented my life. Not that it has been a full life, but that I was trying to stuff in some extra things in my last years that should have been taken care of in an earlier part of my life if I had really intended to do them. I should have been more intentional about planning and carrying out certain goals in my life.

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