Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Saving Marriages

Roland Martin writes that Americans tend to work hard when they want to accomplish something or overcome problems. Why do so many people not apply this same ethic to marriages?


  1. I think a lot of people do. As a divorced person, I am always a bit mystified when people assume that a marriage that ends is one in which neither party worked to keep it together. In my case, there was almost two years and several thousand dollars of therapy, a series of trial and error and comprimises and whole lot of pain trying to make it work. The divorce was hard and very painful, and i think there a lot of people who work to keep from getting there, but for whatever reason, end up there anyway.

    Sure, there are serial "divorcers" (like my own father), but a large number of us who have been divorced aren't people threw in the towel just because the going got rough.

  2. Perhaps my question is poorly put, but I was trying to reflect Martin's essay. He was also divorced before his second marriage.

    He doesn't cite any statistics, but I've read that a study talked to people five years after they went through a really bad time and then divorced. Many said that they wished they had stayed together.

    Martin would certainly endorse people trying to make things work. Obviously many people still end their marriages.

    But I see plenty of young people in my community who are into their 2nd or third marriage or relationship and they are barely 30. They are hardly old enough to be "serial divorcers."

    Maybe the questions should be: 1) Are people getting into marriage too fast? 2) Are they marrying for the wrong reasons? 3) Why aren't they learning from the earlier "mistakes?" 4) What is our culture doing to encourage these problems rather than prevent these problems?

    And maybe 5) How can we encourage people to stay together during the time when one of the partners is having personal problems affecting the marriage?


And what do you think?